[Note to my 2.5 readers: I apologize for posting less frequently. That is just an extension of trends in my life; I’m continuing through a bout of depression which has caused me to withdraw from social interactions. At times I wonder if this blog has run it’s course. I have considered reorganizing/reformatting/rewriting the material I’ve written here and making it into a short book. That would be a time-consuming project and I’m not sure I’m willing to sacrifice the time needed. Back to the actual post.]
I recently had a probing interview my bishop. I brought up an idea I was exploring. His reaction was less than supportive. I had been thinking about personality types and the church. The church as an organization cannot appeal to all personality types. For example, people with more introverted or analytical personality types have more trouble fitting in with the larger church.
He acknowledged this problem but indicated that when people (*me*) find dissonance between their personality type and the larger church, they should just confirm to social norms. Don’t cause ripples. Don’t stir the pot. Just do what we tell you. Smile while you do it. The church has no responsibility to care for my needs, no imperative to comfort me when I stand in need of comfort. Discomfort those in need of comfort.
This was one interview in a painful series. This bishop may think he did good. He certainly got the results he wanted: conformity. His intrusion actually caused harm for my relationship with the church. I keep trying to make it work. I keep getting bitch-slapped. Disregarding truth claims, it has been an abusive force in my life for the past 7 years. It has caused me distress.
As I have branched out and attended other gatherings outside of the LDS church, I have noticed similar dissonance between my personality and the larger group. I am not sure my personality lends itself to group worship. That is a sad thought to confront and wrestle with.