A Stream of Consciousness

At this point in my public life, I’m a sort of vague unassuming lds member. I’ve found that church is a miserable slog through a hell; as the years pass I’ve come to accept Robert Smith’s (of Upward Thought) assessment that the church does more harm than good due to pervasive false traditions. Despite the fatigue I experience through the lds church, I continue to attend. I don’t make ripples because I’ve found it a completely fruitless effort.

I recall an incident that shaped me deeply. During my first year at BYU, I came to the conclusion that the church was not true. I was angry. Tangibly so. One time I was arguing with my mother about some things that Boyd K. Packer said. My final point was basically, “Why can’t Boyd K. Packer just be wrong on this point?” It was frustrating to be arguing with a brick wall – one that placed the scriptures in a subordinate position to tradition. My mother made it clear after my statement that she didn’t want to discuss it any further and the phone call ended.

I felt isolated at BYU. At that moment I felt isolated from my own blood – my family. I realized I was alone. I didn’t just feel alone, I was alone. Emotion and pain consumed me in the seconds after the call ended. I had a total emotional breakdown. I was living in a dorm setting at the time and I quickly scurried to the public restroom as I held back tears. I didn’t want my roommate or anyone to see me so I locked myself in a bathroom stall and cried. It was a pathetic scene. I hate reliving it in writing.

I did come out of that stall comforted. I learned that my reliance had to be on Jesus and “no other name under heaven” (Acts 4:12).

Most other interactions in the church have been similar negative experiences, though not as dramatic. I argue from a fundamentally different perspective than the church accepts as authoritative. The best way I’ve found to articulate the idea is to use a tree as a model: The lds church (an some others) view truth as the fruit of the tree of authority. I believe that authority is the fruit of the tree of truth. The lds church assumes if something stems from proper authority it is true. I assume that whatever is authoritative is derived from truth. “Between us . . . there is a great gulf fixed: so that they which would pass from hence to you cannot; neither can they pass to us, that would come from thence” (Luke 16:26).

My perspective is a difficult one, by what criteria do we discern truth without an “authority”? The other perspective has an answer to that question, therefore it is satisfying to many. I see why it is appealing to adopt; it solves my dilemma and frequent source of pain – searching for truth.

So where is the truth tree?

All this reminds me of an interesting little quote from Joseph Smith: “Had I inspiration, revelation, and lungs to communicate what my soul has contemplated in times past, there is not a soul in this congregation but would go to their homes and shut their mouths in everlasting silence on religion till they had learned something.” (13 Aug 1843)

Apparently, Joseph Smith didn’t think his congregation had learned anything. Also, he seems to indicate that this “learning” was not something that could be communicated person-to-person. It was not obtained in a church, nor a general conference, but at home in silence.

I really ought to learn something about religion. And maybe I should abandon this little stupid blog and seclude myself to monastic vows of silence on religion.

Recently, I’ve become somewhat infatuated with Jordan Peterson. I was watching a video recently where he said something that comes as close to an articulated truth as men can conjure up in language. I jotted it down:

Straighten out what you can straighten out and stop saying things that make you feel weak.”

Over the last eight years (particularly through a crash course of necessity at BYU) I learned to stop saying things that make me feel weak. However, because of that same dogmatic environment I never learned to replace that speaking untruths with truths. I’ve confined myself to “silence on religion“. I can tactfully avoid saying things I disagree with and dance around with my words. I know the church is imperceptive to my lack of affirmation of basic lds doctrines. I was able to serve a 2 year mission and never say any form of “I know Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of God”.

It reminds me of a discussion with a religion professor at BYU, where she talked about how she had to speak the language of her department in graduate school to please them. Her school assumed that there was nothing “true” about the New Testament and treated it through that lens. Her personal opinions and beliefs were divorced from the things she spoke or wrote.

She learned to satisfy their biases. I have done likewise within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Over the last 6 months I have seriously considered giving up on the lds church. I’ve been convinced for a while (say 2013) that I would one day leave. While serving my mission, I had a dream where I was in a church trial for my beliefs. I was excommunicated. I interpreted this as the spirit of prophecy and it brought me peace. No directive has come through inspiration to distance myself from the church. As such I don’t feel at liberty to leave or remove my name from the records of the church. Jesus lived 30 years in a corrupt religious environment and did not make waves until his time had come. But I am tired of waiting.

A few days ago, I was out with the missionaries teaching. Of the three “teachers” I was constantly trying to direct the conversation into the scriptures while the others sort of parroted general mormon doctrines. I don’t much care whether anyone joins the lds church, but my presence is interpreted as supporting the church program. Maybe my “silence” is just as bad as “speaking untruths”, it certainly makes me feel weak.

I remember the frustrations that I felt as a missionary and would like to ease the burdens of the lds missionaries, though we have different yokes. If I were to leave the lds church, I’d be left with no outlet for charity. There is no one in my area who shares my views, who I could fellowship with. In my circumstances leaving doesn’t seem to be a productive route. Like Adam in the garden, I am confused at seemingly contrary directives; I grow restless and desire to take things into my own hands and eat fruit out of season.

Would that the Lord send direction. Maybe I missed it. That thought crosses my mind frequently. I am not who, what, where I could be in some alternate world. I feel like one of my alternate selves stumbled on better choices and has entered the rest of the Lord. But he isn’t me. And for some reason, I am not him. And that “some reason” would be good to know.

Jesus is Lord.

I Am not.

I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me. (Alma 29:3)


Claimed by Joseph

“The pure in heart, and the wise, and the noble, and the virtuous, shall seek counsel, and authority, and blessings constantly from under thy hand.” (D&C 122:2)

“I will walk through the gate of heaven and claim what I seal and those that follow me and my counsel.” (Joseph Smith, 10 March 1844)

D&C 137, 138

This is where D&C 137 and 138 were voted on (originally to be included in the Pearl of Great Price): April 1976 Sustaining of Church Officers. The two visions were proposed for inclusion in the scriptures and voted on. The membership of the church was not given time to read through the new sections and come to a determination before voting. The church did not disclose to members that D&C 137 would be a truncated version of Joseph Smith’s vision.

The Earth as a Scroll

I am reading a fun little book.

In it, I came across a quote that got one of two cogs moving.

In the iconography and statuary of the ancient world, starting from the time of Zarathurstra, knowledge of the secret doctrine of the Mystery schools was denoted by the holding of a rolled scroll. As we shall see, this tradition has continued into modern times, and today the public statues of the world’s towns and cities show how widely it’s influence has spread.” (Mark Booth, The Secret History of the World, p. 22)

Immediately on reading this, I thought of a prophesy that has always eluded me: the earth being rolled up as a scroll (“Behold, will ye believe in the day of your visitation—behold, when the Lord shall come, yea, even that great day when the earth shall be rolled together as a scroll, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat?“, Mormon 9:2).

If secret doctrine is represented as a scroll, the earth being rolled together as a scroll at the future coming of Christ suggests that this mortal life and a history of man as we know it will be hidden. Just as our prior estate is shrouded and unknown to us, our current estate will become a mystery to the future fortunate spirits liberated from death and hell.

I like having a least one potential interpretation, as opposed to none. A second interpretation may be useful if this one is wrong.

Earliest Manuscript Scriptures for Snufferites

An interesting announcement and maybe a worthy project: Link A and Link B

It is interesting that the Joseph Smith Papers announced a separate and similar volume just 2 days ago. I don’t think Snufferites are large enough to cause such reactionary waves, but the timing is extremely curious. Mainly it puts a slight grin on my face to feed my conspiratorial mind  or to think that the universe really is conscious and molding to the wills of unseen forces.

I’d argue that the D&C needs a complete and total overhaul. After a healthy debate that is. Should D&C 136 or 138 go? Others? Various journal recordings of things Joseph Smith (i.e. D&C 130)? Maybe a genre formatting as is present in the New Testament? Sections for Lectures, Word of the Lord Revelations, Speeches, Epistles? What about other revelations that are currently not present in any D&C but now published by the JS Papers Project?

That would be quite the undertaking.

I’ve also given my opinion in the past that The Book of Moses should extend to JST 9: here.

Doing God’s work

Beware ye of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known. Therefore whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops.” (Luke 12)

I feel like Assange is doing God’s work. We should pray for his safety.

A teaching of an angel

Now, concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.” (Alma 40)

I have found that we generally distrust this verse, Alma, and the angel that taught this to Alma. I remember this being a point of contention between me and my instructors at the MTC. From their point of view, I should not teach that as soon as we die we are taken home to God, because the presidents of the church have basically said that isn’t right. Take for example Joseph Fielding Smith:

These words of Alma [Alma 40:11–14] as I understand them, do not intend to convey the thought that all spirits go back into the presence of God for an assignment to a place of peace or a place of punishment and before him receive their individual sentence. ‘Taken home to God,’ [compare Ecclesiastes 12:7] simply means that their mortal existence has come to an end, and they have returned to the world of spirits, where they are assigned to a place according to their works with the just or with the unjust, there to await the resurrection.” (Answers to Gospel Questions, comp. Joseph Fielding Smith Jr., 5 vols. [1957–66], 2:85).

From my point of view, I had received a spiritual witness of the Book of Mormon and should therefore honor God by accepting the doctrines taught in the book. To this day, I still cannot understand the rational behind why Joseph Fielding Smith rejected the teachings of this angel recorded in the Book of Mormon. He gives no real explanation (such as a revelation to counter Alma’s). The verse in Ecclesiastes he uses to support is argument actually supports Alma and the angel, if you bother looking it up.

I think it would be best to accept teachings from angels recorded in the Book of Mormon. I trust they are more intimately aware of the logistics of soul-traveling than mortals.